Past 30 minutes after 12 midnight– I write as a feeling of loneliness comes creeping in. The room seems eerily empty. The sounds of the night seem distant, as though they were fading away… I write as the feeling mercilessly takes me apart piece by piece.. and second after second, a piece of me comes undone.
I wonder how long this feeling will linger and if I will come undone before the clock strikes 1. I wonder and the pain strikes; and something inside me screams and yet my lips are sealed.. no sound comes out. Only the silence inside me breaks.
The notes drone on and on.. my ears bleed. I write waiting. For a sign. For mercy. For love. For life. For release. I light another cigarette and take a long drag… the smoke filling me up with poison. Poison I don’t need. Poison that heals a broken piece in me.
I look up and check the clock. 49 minutes past 1 AM. I made it– barely. My mind breaks. Another long puff– poison. I wish I had a bottle of beer or whiskey.
Then comes– 20 minutes to 2 AM. The pieces come together. Minutes,minutes, minutes drag on and on. I wait. I wait. For you to come home… And bring back that piece of me that kept me together— that piece of me that I gave to you..
I know it pains you to have this distance keeping us apart day by day. And although we have a choice to stop it, we know just how much we rely on this distance; and that is more than agony. But hold on; be strong. We will always be us no matter what.